There comes a time in everyone’s life when as my momma would say “Little girl, it’s time to shit or get off the pot!”
Whenever I had a situation that confused me, nagged at me, distracted me and generally caused me grief…my momma’s words would echo in my mind.
This would be no different.
We all have those friends/family members who just seem to now how to twist our words, create strife and make you question your own sense of sanity.
Dealing with them is equal to dealing with a nagging headache at the base of your skull. You know it’s there. You feel it and it won’t release itself from you, until you cave in and either finally take something for it or go to bed to sleep it off.
Recently, I’ve had an encounter with a person in my life who proved to be that nagging headache. After 2 days of dealing with this person and their relentless emotional baggage and allowing them to throw accusations at me of verbally attacking someone they valued, I stopped and requested valid proof of such accusations.
Since I did not know what they were talking about and what posting they were yelling about and accusing me of, I wanted to see my flaws of whatever verbal attack statement I was accused of in black and white. I demanded it. Politely but firmly.
What I got back floored me.
There was no proof. There was only “something that was remarked on via Facebook months ago” (though this person is not clear as to what was exactly said or in what context) concerning a supposed religious posting (though mind you they are still not clear on the exact details, because it was months ago when this apparently happened and they were only told of it just now).
So what I got was:
- “I do not know exactly what you said and it was months ago, but you said it”
- “I do not know exactly when it was said and it was months ago, but you said it”
- “I don’t have the proof of you saying it, but they said you said it so it must be true”
- “Because you have voiced your opinion previously over this topic, I know you are guilty of it, so therefore must face my wrath, even though I don’t know of the exact details.”
The person (whom I have never met in person and wouldn’t recognize on the street, nor have ever engaged in a conversation with at any point, but was “friends” with on social media) supposedly posted religious post, by which I gave some sort of a reply to (at some point of not agreeing with them (though honestly I can’t remember because quite honestly it clearly didn’t turn into anything significant). They in turn elected to simply block me instead of engaging and moved on, which to me seemed adult and logical in nature, as I have done the same thing when it came to the election.
Getting back to the verbal warfare from this person in my life, I however, was chastised, berated, called intolerant, and that they were ashamed of me and therefore were justified in seeing me as non-deserving a Christmas wish or phone call.
As I listened to their accusations and justifications for unleashing their (repetitive) verbal warfare on me, it became clear that this person will never change. It was then that I heard it loud and clear.
I heard the word “forgive”.
Before I knew it, I said it. “I forgive you.”
This stopped the person, it confused them. Wait? What? There’s no argument? They even asked me what did I mean by that comment. I replied again “I forgive you unconditionally, across the board for everything you have said these last few days and I still love you.”
As I said that…I felt strange. The headache that had been plagued me left. My stomach unknotted. My mind became clear and relaxed. My shoulders became relaxed. The energy around eased up and seemed lighter.
They, on the other hand, were confused and thought I was trying to twist their argument around, for which they fired back and tried to bait me into another hostile confrontation to justify their venomous berating of me.
I stated my position again, only this time with complete peacefulness in my heart: “I forgive you. I still love you. I will no longer comment on this again. Be blessed. Be well. Be loved. I forgive you.”
They stopped responding and I was good with that.
Afterwards, I walked into my kitchen and exhaled freely. It felt good. A good feeling swept over me…as if I was easing into a warm ocean, with no waves. Just surrounded by warmth and peacefulness.
I was floating in a sea of serenity.
A smile crept across my face as I thought to myself “Oh! So THIS is what it’s like to freely forgive without conditions? Wow! I should have done this years ago! Would have saved me a TON of unnecessary stress and aggravation!”
It was then I heard my momma’s voice come through “See how easy that was? When you decide to shit or get off the pot you’re life becomes less chaotic!
And with those little words “I forgive you” I disarmed the chaos and removed it from my life.
I slept peacefully for the first time in days and woke up feeling refreshed and energetic.
I chose to forgive without condition. It ruled over and removed the chaos from my life.
The dynamics of our relationship has dramatically changed and if by chance I should receive communication from them at some point in our lives, it will be returned from a place of love and acceptance. I wish them no fowl. I wish them no misery.
I chose to forgive instead of engaging in the chaos.